A Forage

By Johnny Nghiem

January 3^rd, 2021

“You and your sisters are like rice and noodles, I love you all the same.”

Every day I anticipate that sweet static noise that comes from my speakers in between tracks. It gives me a chance to add in the visuals that may or may not belong there.

It's similar to how I think about dreaming and that there's this void I'm trying to fill that doesn't exist. Maybe it's just me trying to forget memories I no longer want to keep or to stash away for moments like this when I can finally have a relationship with them.

I remember a time when I used to sit on my grandparent's porch with the light on that wasn't for me, it was for the bugs. I used to spend the summer nights counting all the mosquitos, flies, and whatever decided to play with death. I guess it was my way of meditating or simply as a way to get away from the chamber of cigarette smoke called my grandparent's house.

Those visuals appeared during a song break today and it made me wonder if some of my memories are actually overriding my current imagination or not.

This year was filled with that, just little vignettes of my past broken up throughout the day. I'm sure it was like that for a lot of people, just waiting for something to happen during their day that wasn't the present.

Holding the karaoke mic felt so powerful to me.

The day before New Year's Eve gave me that precious reminder. I was feeling a bit down, but it wasn't that bad though, just a touch of sadness, a dash of loneliness, and a pinch of lost.

Anxiously I waited for a track to end as I was too lethargic to skip the record and there it was, my mother handing me a family heirloom I thought I'd never have the courage to use.

I remember that holding the karaoke mic for the first time felt so powerful to me. The song was "You're My Heart You're My Soul" and at the time, things weren't great but for 3 minutes and 14 seconds, it made us feel invincible.

And today is the third day into 2021 and it will be better than the last, if not, just forage through your mind for something better cause it's there, that's a fact.